Heartbreak - How long does it last?

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Heartbreak - How long does it last?

Post by New Gal » Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:19 pm

Met a bloke through my family a good few years ago, he was interested in marrying me and initiated meeting my family and I. We met with my family members a good few times before then going on to meet one another for dinners, cinema, shopping trips etc etc.

It went on for six months before he told me that he had met someone else. She was of his caste which was therefore easier for him :roll:

A year down the line, I had to attend and be fully involved with his wedding as they were close family friends by this time.

They have been married three years now and today hes sent me a text telling me his wife is expecting twins. Feel like I have been shot and I don't know why. We were very close friends during those six months and got along so well, I thought he was the one I would end up and actually be happy with but after he said he was marrying this other woman, I cut contact as in we never met up but I was polite whenever he came over or I saw him out and about which was often. The man lived opposite my house, same route to work, same uni etc.

Hes always been affectionate and flirty although I was always quick to tell him off for suggestive comments, he never curbed it though and nor has his marriage. Saw him on the bus on Thursday morning and he was his usual crazy self and now this text. After years on not texting other than Eid Mubarak general type stuff that you forward to your entire phonebook, hes never really sent anything so why this info and why now?

And why am I upset?

I haven't responded and am in shock, why tell me and why is he having kids when I saw him at a mutual friend's function maybe 2 months ago and he told me that he really didn't want kids, couldn't stand them etc. He mentioned his mother was putting the pressure on his wife to concieve but that he didn't want her to.

So is it a re-run of him never having any guts to do what he wants instead of what his family expects?

And I wish I had moved to Hurghada already. Thank God above that I wont be here when she has them in February (yes I've already calculated when they are due) :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:


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Post by Undutchable » Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:54 pm

NG,

I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I do know that the infuence of family is very hight in the muslim culture. Have a friend (non muslim married to a muslim) who decided to leave her husband after 6 years of marridge because of this.

There is no way you will be able to understand what he thinking or why he says one thing and does the other. I can only give you one advise try and stay as far away from him as possible. He made his choice and now he has to live with it. Don't get involved in no way, shape or form cause in the end of it you might be the bad guy.

Just take care.....try to keep it cool.......Thinking of you...

:bl:

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Post by New Gal » Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:00 pm

Thanks a lot for that Undutchable, I'm just feeling so confused. This girl has done so much stuff that is unacceptable yet has fallen on her feet and all her previous mistakes have now been covered up as hes basically a nice guy deep down, nice enough family, backwards yes, but you cant change mindsets.

And yet its almost like, I tried to do the right thing and it still is hurting me after all this time.

I just keep thinking of the move, its the only way to cope.

I haven't responded, said congrats or anything but I don't even know which words to use. I can't be fake but its not like I can ignore his text either.

Any tips on what to say??
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Post by Undutchable » Sat Aug 22, 2009 3:41 pm

NG,

I understand what you are saying and it is only normal since you gave it your all for 6 months. And ofcourse it hurts like hell...(excuse my language) You are right to focus on the move to keep your mind on something else. Time is the only thing that can heal....

The text should just be plane and simple. "Congratulations to you and ....(what ever her name is) hope you have a good pregnancy and healthy twins!"

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Post by New Gal » Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:18 pm

Well, as I had left it so long to reply, I rang him and gushed, congratulated him, teased him etc etc and then went and had a cry.

Oh well.

How strange life is.
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Post by CocoaButter » Sat Sep 26, 2009 6:19 am

OMG when reading this i felt an overwhelm of D'JVU,weired but so true ,i have seen a similar story like this ,so many of them about ,well move on hes made his bed and his straw now to lay in ,you on the other hand have it all freedom power and to meet and make your bed better ...
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Post by New Gal » Sat Sep 26, 2009 7:14 am

CocoaButter wrote:OMG when reading this i felt an overwhelm of D'JVU,weired but so true ,i have seen a similar story like this ,so many of them about ,well move on hes made his bed and his straw now to lay in ,you on the other hand have it all freedom power and to meet and make your bed better ...
Yeah I know, its happened to me a few times, I have an enormous amount of confidence despite being jilted a good few times :lol:

Trying to be the better person anyway, went round on Eid, did the whole gushing bit :roll: :roll:
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Post by Netyoda » Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:08 am

You'll be fine NG, when a love finally comes to fill the hole in your heart.

Lee x

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Post by New Gal » Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:12 am

Netyoda wrote:You'll be fine NG, when a love finally comes to fill the hole in your heart.

Lee x
Thanks Lee, I am ok now and am not wanting to be with anyone unless everything is right x
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Post by CocoaButter » Sat Sep 26, 2009 12:23 pm

Same here .
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Post by Goddess » Sat Sep 26, 2009 6:13 pm

Awww NG.
I like what Lee said though - very true.
Woo Hoo!!!!! I've got a signature!

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Post by New Gal » Mon Feb 08, 2010 1:17 pm

She's bred, one girl and one boy, perfect bleeding family :x

Thank god I am in Egypt! x
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Post by Christine » Mon Feb 08, 2010 1:46 pm

NG Move past this, its time , just let it go now, dont let it be baggage, he has moved on, you should too :)
Tip; remove his number from your phone.

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Post by New Gal » Mon Feb 08, 2010 2:01 pm

Oh I have don't worry just thought I would update :)
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Post by Christine » Mon Feb 08, 2010 2:24 pm

Im not sure that you have, simply by the terminology you used to update " bred " ??
That smacks of feeling honey.

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Post by New Gal » Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:00 pm

:lol: no hun thats how I feel about all brats bar my brothers and sisters, euuughhh! All that snot and all them nappies, yuck! Never changed a nappy in my life so not going to start! Managed to avoid all that!
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Post by Christine » Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:24 pm

Well i was convinced that i had the maternal instincts of a ****** gnat, but now look, 2 kids and 4 grandchildren later, sommat must have gone wrong, my brain didnt inform my hormones maybe, there is often a missing link with me :lol: ;)

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Post by CocoaButter » Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:15 am

i love mine so much and we was once brats ?
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Post by Susue » Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:18 am

Aaaaaahhhhhh....... breeding!!

Tried it once.... didn't like it!!
(got 1 daughter, grown up and a whole continent away!! Love her to bits..... wouldn't have had it any other way.....!!)

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Post by New Gal » Tue Feb 09, 2010 9:03 am

I was never a brat, my Dad saw to that! We were brought up to value ourselves and others, to show respect and have morals and so many other things that I never see in kids these days.

I even find it hard being good friends with the majority of people my own age as they are so childish and immature, 98% of my friends are a lot older than me and I really think I was born in the wrong decade!
Dignity comes not from control, but from understanding who you are and taking your rightful place in the world.

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